I must apologize, for the umpteenth time, for not uploading many drawings over the last year or so. The thing is, I honestly haven't had much art to post. I have sketch dumps that I need to staple together, but most of what I've drawn is just that-- sketches. My drive to produce art has declined significantly, and I'm particularly sorry to say that I've been very, very slow with commissions. There are so many things that I've wanted to draw-- and need to draw, in the way of commissions-- but working up the energy and ability to do so has often been an uphill battle for me over these last several months.
It's not that my interest in drawing has dissipated-- I loved drawing, I have drawn things my entire life, and I can't imagine there ever being a point in my life where I stop drawing. Moreso, I have struggled with the drive to complete pieces. Sketches are generally non-problematic, but it's seemed lately like anything more drains me.
I have struggled with bad anxiety, OCD, and depression for quite some time. In addition to this, I have physical health issues that I haven't really found the cause to (despite a good bit of testing-- though there are some things I still need to look into). I am prone to tension headaches and brain shivers, which are likely a result of my anxiety and make concentrating difficult. When paired with chronic fatigue, these headaches make it difficult for me to focus and get work done.
I've only recently started on a road to recovery from this. I never told my parents about my anxiety, and I never understood that I was experiencing depression until I reflected upon a description of its symptoms and realized that I had felt that way for years. As for my physical health issues, I convinced myself (through much anxiety) to hide my symptoms and deal with them quietly for six years. I only told my parents and started looking into my health issues last year.
I've felt terrible for a long time, but I have high hopes for my future and I want to do so much more than what I do now. I have waded through mud for some time-- dragged my way slowly through commissions and personal art pieces-- but I want to improve my physical and mental health and fly through my artwork like I used to. I've already started going to sleep earlier, eating better, and getting more exercise. I've started creating positive habits for myself, and that includes forcing myself to draw, even when it's difficult to work up the energy to do so. (Drawing isn't the only thing I struggle with doing-- I'm generally very bad at self care, and small steps like going to sleep earlier feel more like huge hurdles). I'm currently looking into therapy for my depression and anxiety also.
I've wasted so much time just thinking, ruminating in obsessive thoughts, instead of being productive. I'm sick of making people wait for commissions, and I'm sick of pushing my own personal projects back. I need to draw more, and I will.